Angry Bear's Reviews

Penelope (2006)

2010-02-10T23:46:00.000-08:00

Mark Palansky
Verdict: 4/5

This fairy tale romance is almost Burton-esque in it's degree of fantasy meets reality. Or maybe it's just the casting of former-Burton actors Catherine O'Hara and Christina Ricci. This movie is pleasantly sweet, yet a refreshing take on the 'stay true to yourself and you'll get the guy' story.

Christina Ricci plays titular Penelope. A young woman born with a cursed pig snout and ears. Despite these features, Penelope is adorable, but it's those around here whom treat it as a disfigurement. Her parents do their best to be supportive, heck, her father is passed the point of caring and doesn't care about media attention. Catherine O'Hara's role as the hysterically loud mother is a sad type-casting, frankly, I'm just glad she's getting roles at her age (Hollywood is sexist after all).

All the actor's in this movie do a great job, though I am not a fan of James McAvoy -that's more of personal taste than anything. Most of all, I feel Peter Dinklage stands out in his role of one-eyed reporter, Lemon. He steals the movie with his deadpanned professionalism and obsessive nature. Reese Witherspoon, both actor and producer of this movie, is adorable as punky best friend of Penelope.

Key Scenes:

Penelope interacting with "Max"

This is the beginning of a very sweet romance. The two certainly have a connection, and "Max", despite being paid to get a picture of the "Pig Girl" seems to be falling in love with Penelope. Lemon and Edward fall suspicious, and Max ends up throwing the deal after refusing to marry Penelope. His actions are what cause her to change her own life and leave the shelter of her home.

Montage!

Penelope gets to know the world as "Max", Johnny rather, gets back onto his feet. The two change each other's perspective for the better. During this period the viewer meets Annie (Reese Witherspoon) and her beta-love interest Jack the Bartender (Richard Leaf).

Moral of the Story

Asking the children at the end what the moral is is hilarious.
"Rich people stink!"
"It's always the mother's fault?"
It shows that children aren't as naive as they are often perceived to be, and can project or judge the world on their own.

As a Christina Ricci fan, I was plesantly surprised on the quality of this movie. I'd put it up with other modern-fantasy classics, such as Big Fish or Lady in the Water. A great "date movie" and must-see.

Pulse (2006)

2010-02-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

Jim Sonzero
Verdict: 2/5

Pulse is a 2006 horror by director Jim Sonzero. The only Sonzero production that I'm familiar with is survival horror game Resident Evil 5. I can see the similarities in his work. In both Pulse and RE5 there is a colour-cast. While the viewer can see why it is done with Pulse, the technique does get rather old rather quickly. The entirety of the movie seems to be filmed under a blue light, this makes sense because the Deus Ex Machinas (Pardon the pun) seem to work under a blue spectrum. Still, it does no saving throws, nor does it add to the movie.

Pulse is a horror movie that thinks it can be plot-based instead of the 'teenages murdered by supernatural entities' rigamaroll that America is so used to. This works more in Japanese horror, surprise, surprise, it's a remake of a Japanese film. Japanese horror remakes really are a genre in of themselves, and all of them tend to be mediocre.

The movie does on occasion deliver scares, but altogether is seems like it's confused of what it wants to be. Anyone who knows anything about computers will find the plot ridiculous, and said plot is impossible to ignore. It's one of the few plots that actually takes away from the movie. The ghosts are scary, but "stealing your will to live so you become dust" is not scary. That is lame.

Key Scenes:
Note: I actually had to look up the character's names for this. The movie stuck with me that little.

Ghosts in Mattie's bath tub.

This scene was actually quite comical, but did a good psycho-eque job of making the viewer afraid to bathe. Also, fanservice.

Snuff films?

This scene has the two main characters, Mattie and Dexter, looking at Josh's files. They duo are disturbed to find video feeds of people committing suicide in front of their computers.

The Ending

Not a happy ending by a long shot. The two main characters escape the city to find that the whole world has been turned into a technologically dystopic nightmare. Only by escaping the far reaches of wireless networks and cellphone bars can the heroes be free of the nightmarish ghosts. There are sequels, none of which starring the main character... nor were they ever released in theatres.

Pulse is a good idea with bad execution. A definite miss. Not recommended.

Double Feature: Home Movie (2008) & Trick 'R Treat (2009)

2010-01-31T16:10:00.002-08:00

Christopher Denham
Verdict: 1/5

Home Movie is an independent film and Catalonian Film Festival winner. All, I can wonder is "What were they smoking?". The movie stars a family moved to rural Connecticut so the parents can raise their children with a good country upbringing. Unfortunately, the children have started displaying anti-social and sadistic behaviour toward their parents and the family pets.

While the movie pulls off being insanely creepy and unnerving, the characterization is shoddy. The father (Adrian Pasdar) remains upbeat and optimistic about his children even after they crucify the family cat on Christmas morning. The mother (Cady McClain) suspects her husband of molesting the children purely because he is a priest and was abused as a child. The whole thing is filmed on a handheld family camcorder, but while this is effective in other horror movies (Blair Witch, Cloverfield) a real family does not record that many home movies.

Key Scenes:

1. Halloween

Here the viewer is first witness to the children's disturbing behaviour. As for filmography, much isn't to be said or desired, amateur work for authenticity. The son biting his mother is foreshadowing of the children's later-revealed cannibalistic tendencies.

2. Thanksgiving

The day starts off with the children being dressed up for their Thanksgiving play at school. (The children do not communicate verbally throughout the first half or so of the movie.) When asked what he packed for lunch, the son Jack shows his parents a sandwich made of a burger bun and the family gold fish. To think this is disturbing enough, the parents find out that the children attacked a boy at their school and attempted to "bite him to death". The parents find evidence of pre-meditation in this attack by looking at the children's notebooks. Drastic measures are taken in the form of an exorcism, and psychiatric medication.

3. Easter

Yeah, that psychiatric medication, didn't really work. At first it appears so, the children are much more social and loving towards their parents. They even befriend the boy whom they tried to eat during Thanksgiving. All is not how it seems however, as their father stumbles around whilst dressed like a rabbit, they find the children and their new "friend" is missing. The parents run to the children's playhouse to save the boy just in time. Inside the playhouse is an alter of decaying animal carcasses and worms. The walls are decorated by Jack and Emily's disturbing drawings of the biting creatures. On a sombre note the parents have no choice but to give custody of Jack and Emily up to the state. That is, if Mom and Dad survive the night.

Interesting idea, poor execution. Overall, between the irritating camera and creepiness it was near-unwatchable.

Michael Dougherty
Verdict: 5/5

Newcomer Micheal Dougherty brings to the screen one of the freshest and most entertaining horror movies in years. Trick 'R Treat was originally a 2007 release delayed due to moral watchdogs complaining about the "child brutality" theme. Well, after watching Home Movie, a good child murdering is what I was in the mood for.

Trick 'R Treat is a Halloween movie (as the name implies) that takes place over the course of one Halloween night in MostdefinatelynotVancouver, Ohio. The movie is comprised of roughly four interwoven tales of terror: some kids play a nasty trick on the local 'idiot savant', the youngest of four girls tries to find a date for a party, the middle school principal is moonlighting as a serial killer, and a Halloween-hating woman learns the lesson of disobeying tradition. Each story is marked by a gruesome twist ending and features the spirit of Halloween, a little boy named Sam (short for Samhain).

Key Scenes:

1. The Halloween Parade

This scene shows at 3/4 of the character groups as the pass each other on the street. The parade is also a beautiful display of Halloween. The parade looks so beautifully authentic that is makes the viewer jealous of such community spirit in celebrating the season.

2. Flashback to a schoolbus murder

Micheal Dougherty used an orange foil over the lense of the camera in this scene. It shows to be subtly more autumn like, while the orange-ness gives it a kind of flashback feel usually provided by sepia tone. In the flashback a bus full of mentally disabled children are carried to their death off of a rock quarry. The driver was bribed by their parents to kill them because of their disablities. According to local legend the children still haunt the quarry. When bringing Jack O' Lanterns to honour the dead, Macy (Britt McKillip) tricks halloween-obsessed social reject Rhonda (Sam Todd) into venturing to the quarry below. This tale ends with the most child death of the four, but with a sense of poetic justice to it.

3. Little Red Riding Hood & The Big Bad Wolf

Laurie (Anna Paquin) is visiting town with her sister and friends for the big parade. However, Laurie is having a hard time finding a date for their post-parade bonfire get-together. It is on her way that she stumbles across her very own big bad wolf. But, not everything is as it seems. The wolf is actually Principal Steven (Dylan Baker) from the second story. As Steven finds out, the prey is actually the predator. This story reminds me somewhat of Hard Candy, another play on the Red Riding Hood mythos where the hunter becomes the hunted.

One thing I would like to note most of all about the brilliance of Trick 'R Treat is the utter lack of CGI. All of the graphics are traditionally done with costumes and make up. The effort and love put into the movie certainly shows. An instant classic and must-see for anyone who calls themselves a horror fan.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (2010)

2010-01-29T18:25:00.002-08:00

Terry Gilliam
Verdict: 3/5

This movie is more likely known as "Heath Ledger's last film" and it sure does have a lot of eerie reminders. Mind you, Terry Gilliam's movies are known for the strange and unnerving. I'm still trying to get my head around Baron Van Munchhausen. Although, as far as Gilliam movies go, Dr. Parnassus is pretty open-and-close. Gentle even.

The story begins with a romanticised performance in a gritty London exterior. Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) tries to free people of their earthly desires through different realms and trips within their psyche. The problem is, people don't want to get rid of their addictions anymore. Dr. Parnassus's rival in this business is the devil himself, or "Nick" (Tom Waits). Due to the fine print of a bet made hundreds of years before, any child that Dr. Parnassus must be given up to the devil at age sixteen. Unfortunately, it is a week before the sixteenth birthday of Dr. Parnassus's daughter Valentina (Lily Cole). The devil gives Dr. Parnassus a new wager, first to five souls wins Valentina. Dr. Parnassus will surely lose this battle, but the aid of the rescued Tony (Heath Ledger/Johnny Depp/Jude Law/Colin Farell) may just help the good Doctor's cause.

Gilliam's team worked well to incorporate a whole new depth into the storyline after the tragic death of Heath Ledger. Now, Tony appears in the Imaginarium in the form of the beholder's imagination. To be clear, when in the imaginarium with an older woman whom finds him attractive, Tony appears as Johnny Depp. When in his own version of the imaginarium, he is Jude Law, and Valentina sees him as Colin Farell. Editing did a bang-up job of having each of the three replacement actors look exactly like Heath Ledger from behind, same greasy ponytail, same white suit, and so on.

Key Scenes:

1. Dr. Parnassus's history.

The graphics on this scene are visually enchanting, but the most significant part of this scene is the brief debate between Nick and Dr. Parnassus. Nick believes that he can disprove Parnassus's religion in a few seconds. Parnassus's religion states that as long as one story is told, the world will continue to exist. Nick's statement only makes him believe that it doesn't have to be a specific story, just that there is always a story being told. Is this a not-so-subtle metaphor for film and TV? I like to think so.

2. Tony's introduction. "The Hanged Man"

While driving through London our heroes stumble across the shadow of a man being hanged underneath a bridge. They haul him up, and to their surprise, he is still living. Tony's introduction is a wince-worthy, unintentional allusion to his actor's death. (He survives his hanging by means of swallowing a golden flute so that the robe does not crush his trachea.) While others are quick to judge Tony as just a lucky stranger, the Doctor sees him as a way of getting the advantage over Nick in their new wager.
"First to five souls."

3. Violence!

This version of the imaginarium is Tony's and that of the Russian mafia members chasing him. Tony sees himself as a sky-reaching idealist version of Jude Law. It is in this version of the imaginarium that the Doctor tries to win the mafia members souls by convincing them to join the police. This display is the most Python-esque scene of the movie with Dr. Parnassus's head a giant floating balloon, and cops dancing in skirts. This sadly just frightens the mobsters into Nick's hands.

I'd recommend not seeing the imaginarium while under the influence of anything. The CGI isn't the best, but it isn't really supposed to be. Things are supposed to look showy and fake in an imaginary world. One can definately see Gilliam's style in this movie, and it's worth a watch.

Slither (2006)

2010-01-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

James Gunn
Verdict: 5/5

Slither is a B-horror comedy based set in MostdefinatelynotBurnaby, a small town in the southern United States. The movie stars schoolteacher Starla Grant (Elizabeth Banks) and her husband Grant Grant (Michael Rooker). One evening after being out drinking, Grant comes across the crash site of a parasitic alien creature. After a series of unfortunate events, the whole town is turned into Grant's parasite zombies.

The movie is a good example of almost a parody-esque horror in the same vein as 'Sean of the Dead', and 'Night of the Creeps'. Slither is a movie for horror fans and nerds alike. Bill Pardy (Nathan Fillion) and Jack MacReady (Gregg Henry) deliver the laughs with their bickering diologue.
Jack MacReady: [panicked] We need to find this Grant, and I mean yesterday. Town council's lit a Roman Candle, stuck it up my ass.
Bill Pardy: Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.

Key Scenes:

1. The introduction to the town.

This scene plays out like the opening to a quirky episode of the X-Files. The verbally abusive mayor, the uptight townspeople, it even has a cameo by Xzibit and brief role by Xantha Radley (both in prevously-viewed I Want to Believe).

The characterization and setting show that in a small town, everybody knows your issues. Especially if the mayor has an anger management problem. Or, that Sheriff Pardy is sweet on his childhood friend Starla Grant.

2. The Deer Festival

The local redneck hoo-ha animal killing celebration. This scene features a cameo from Canadian musician Corb Blund as the musical entertainment. On the flipside of the party we have a meat-starved Grant trying to avoid eating his wife, instead he visits would-be fling Brenda Gutierrez (Brenda James). With his newly mutated body he turns her into his first zombie, a breeder type filled with freshly former slugs.

It goes about as well as expected.

3. Sheriff Pardy vs. Zombie Deer

Post-'Shit hitting the fan' Sheriff Pardy and young survivor Kylie (Tania Saulnier) go to the police station for some heavy artillery. Zombies have taken over the town and kidnapped Starla to bring her back to the Grant residence.
--Note: The zombies in this movie are the 'mind controlled' variation, not the mindless flesh-eating hordes as seen more recently in popular culture.--
Pardy has his ass handed to him by an infected deer and is saved by Kylie. His response is a thank you and that when he tells the story "It'll be the other way around, I saved you." A sheriff's gotta keep his pride after all.

Slither is a fun movie that while, maybe not living up to it's original hype, is recommended for all those who like a few laughs and some gore.

Everything is Illuminated (2005)

2010-01-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

Liev Schreiber
Verdict: 5/5

Everything is Illuminated is one of the funniest, most heartening films I have ever seen. The only way I can think of describing it is "Little Miss Sunshine" meets "Borat". The movie stars Elijah Wood as Johnathan Safran Foer, a young Jewish "collector" on a journey to find his grandfather's hometown of Trochenbrod. It's a road trip story with deeper rootings showing through usage of flashbacks to cultural and physical genocide toward the Jewish people of Ukraine. Like Little Miss Sunshine it is riddled with ridiculous comedy balancing off dark tragedy.

Liev Schreiber does an amazing job as first-time director of this movie. He shows chops in a suprising manner similar to Matt Damon's "Good Will Hunting".

Key Scenes:

1. The Beginning (Johnathan's grandparents.)

This scene plays with the usage of silence. Johnathan has no diologue until he reaches the Ukraine, so the introduction of his character is only through images. The viewer sees that he is a quiet boy who collects items in ziploc bags and uses them as reminders of history. In a way Johnathan tells story through objects and images, much like a movie does.

2. Introducing Alex and his family.

Alex's character is the funniest in the movie. His gratutious butchery of the english language and naive usage of predjudiced is similar to Sasha Baron Cohen's "Borat". He dresses in sweatsuits and "Loves all American things", but he's quite willing to admit that he's likely going to be an accountant. He is amused and even a bit disturbed by "Jonfen's" ways.
"Excuse him. He doesn't eat meat."
"Not even sausage?"

Alex introduces his family as "my miniature brother", "my father and grandfather, also named Alex", and "my grandfather's seeing-eye bitch, Sammy Davis Jr. Jr.". These humourous introductions set the mood for the rest of the movie's quirky humour.

3. Trochenbrod

It is here that the characters reach the climax of their journey. The once beautiful town of Trochenbrod remains as a mountain of boxes and records kept by the one surviving citizen. Or, so we are led to believe. It is here where the viewer learns that Alex's grandfather also lived in the town during the war. It was a stroke of luck that he was not killed by firing squad. The viewer learns that "Alex Sr. Sr." abandoned his Jewish faith and re-started in the town of Odessa.

Another heartbreaking twist shows that the grandfather of Johnathan (Safran) left Trochenbrod to go to America to find a place for his budding family. His wife was pregnant with their first child when the nazis invaded their town. Neither wife nor child survived, so he started anew with Johnathan's family.

Altogether, the movie is about life and death. Even after death life must go on. The story was co-written by the two main characters of the movie. What Schreiber tried to describe of their trip in an over 107 page script, Johnathan Safran Foer wrote in 15.

Changes in scenes are marked by chapter titles written in Alex's account of the journey, such titles include, "A Very Rigid Search", and "A Rigid Search"

I would recommend this movie to anyone because, it not only has a great story, but is fun to watch. The Ukrainian landscapes -though actually filmed in Czech Republic- are beautiful to watch and the soundtrack certainly provides a cultural variety that is both entrancing and pleasing. It is a shame that IMDB only ranks the movie with a 7.7. Everything is Illuminated is a rare treat.

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

2010-01-18T18:34:00.000-08:00

David R. Ellis, Lex Halaby
Verdict: 3/5

Snakes on a Plane was not only a movie in '06, but a pop culture icon spewed first from the internet. Unlike Chuck Norris facts and the Rickroll, after the movie came it the hype dropped. It was expected to be a classic built on cult status due to the famous line spouted by Samuel L. Jackson. Now, like Numa Numa, it has faded into obscurity.

What the movie lacks in plot it makes up for in fun. The storyline is simple and reminiscent of 80's cop movies. A young man is witness to a crime and Samuel L. Jackson must save him from being assassinated by the mob before he can testify. Little do they know, the plane they're taking is filled with bad CGI snakes waiting to attack the hormone-sprayed leis.

The movie doesn't appear very much of a higher brow than 'dumb action movie with Samuel L. Jackson', but I think it holds depth in the subtle jabs at stereotypical action movies. The movie's protagonist is a twenty-something white male, but at no point does he really play 'the hero' role. He usually sits back and wrings his hands while the movie's heroes: Ambiguously Gay Flight Attendant, Samuel L. Jackson, Weary Flight Attendant on Her Last Shift, Elderly Flight Attendant, Fat White Pilot, Silent Martial Arts Guy and Fat Black guy save the day. Strong women play a big role in saving the plane itself with a majority of the white males being taken out by snakes. It is an interesting subversion of the genre, where the "minorities" play a key role instead of "black guy dies first" or "damsels in distress".

Snakes on a Plane satirizes American culture by showing it for without the rose coloured glasses that action movies usually have. Characters are riddled with hypochondria, germophobia, and plenty of horror movie teenager syndrome.

While not about to win any awards, Snakes on a Plane is a fun ride of a movie to turn your brain off to.

Key Scenes:
1. "Three Gs" introduction and fans.

Three Gs is a fictional rapper and one of the passengers aboard the plane filled with aforementioned snakes. The scene wherein he is introduced is probably the most blatant piece of tongue-in-cheek-poking-fun-at-America satire in the movie. The rapper is spotted in a gift shop and quickly sorrounded by fans. Such fans include screaming twenty-something girls, and a young 'wigger' boy. Three Gs acts relatively friendly and does well humouring his fans.
"Hey, yo, stay black." He says to the white boy with the sideways cap.

Of course, all this is a farce and he quickly sanitizes his hands after leaving the crowd.

2. Meeting the cast/getting on the plane.

It is in this scene that the audience is given the reason for the title and the characters aboard the plane. An experienced thriller viewer can label them from who dies first, to who doesn't die.
There's an english snob, the Paris Hilton clone, the aged flight attendant, the hypochondriac just married couple, and the party animals who obviously die first because they have sex in the bathroom. Despite spending the first 20 minutes of the movie setting up the weak plotline, SOAP gets down to business pretty quickly once our passengers are on board.

3. The Ending

Why? Because it's hilarious... and cliche'd. Everything turns out okay because the sub-plot characters managed to find the anti-venom for all the snakes and everyone lives happily ever after... except the people who died.

In a way, Snakes on a Plane offers a nostalgic view into a simplier time, when everyone seemed blissfully unaware of the impending economic doom and were quite content to watch such a silly movie.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe (2008)

2009-12-05T15:03:00.003-08:00

Chris Carter
Verdict: 2.5/5

The X-Files was the first of it's kind and had an emmy-producing formula of character chemistry, intelligent diologue, quirky settings, and conspiricy. The episodes of the series were often split into two categories, "Alien Mythology Arc" and "Monster of the Week". I'm stating this because while the previous X-Files move [Fight the Future (1998)] was a "Alien Myth Arc", I Want to Believe follows the more audience friendly path of MoTW.

But, does it follow up to the standards of the viewer? To be honest, no. Like the previous movie, the plot is confusing and the viewer will likely become bored while struggling to find threads of consistency.

However, the acting and casting are above-standard. Actress Amanda Peele does well to stand on her own alongside beloved characters Mulder & Scully as newcomer FBI Agent Dakota Whitney. Billy Connolly brings humanity to the hated role of "Catholic Priest Paedophile". Rapper Xzibit's brief role as Whitney's partner is... distracting. His presence was unnerving to me, as if he was always holding himself back from pimping out a UFO.

Actors Gillian Anderson (Scully) and David Duchovny (Mulder) admitted that they had difficulty returning to the roles of the FBI pair. It certainly is noticeable. While some scenes are pulled off more naturally, occasionally we are treated to such anvilicious diologue as:
SCULLY: This is not about finding an FBI agent. This is about you trying to save your sister.
I kind of laughed at this line. It's like the actors are practically shouting, "What's my motivation again?!"

All this aside. The movie is set in MostdefinatelynotBurnaby, Virginia. FBI agent Monica Bannan has been kidnapped by a pair of men and the FBI are using the aid of psychic priest Father Joe to find her. The mixture of paranormal and normal is what causes the FBI to call up disgraced former agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully to get to the bottom of this 'X-File'. As they get deeper into the mystery, the reliability of Joe's telepathy comes into question and things take a turn for the weird when it turns out that the agent has been kidnapped for Frankenstein-like procedures. The procedure is based off the scientific workings of Soviet Union doctor, Vladmir Demikhov. While as interesting as this could have been, the mixture of various plots make it's appearance rather hamhanded.

Key Scenes:

1. Scully working at the hospital/meeting Christian.

This is Dr. Scully's motivation throughout the movie. She must choose to continue experimental treatment with this young boy, or let him die. Father Joe tells her not to give up, so she continues treatment desipite the wishes of the hospital board.

2. Finding the block of ice full of body parts

A pivotal moment in the movie where the viewer wonders if there're more paranormal forces at work. No, just gay, Russian Frankensteins and a pedo-priest.

3. Saving Mulder, meeting Skinner, and pretty much most of the action in the movie.

This starts up at about an hour or so into the movie, the audience is checking their text messages, so let's kick it up a notch. Mulder, having found the home of the kidnapper goes off to save the damsels. In typical Mulder fashion, he fails to notify anyone of where he is going, and promptly is caught. Not all is lost though, Scully and Skinner are on the case and arrive to save Mulder from decapitation in the nick of time.

Altogether, the movie is a disappointment, but if you love the series, you'll likely get a better kick out of it. Not recommend for those looking for a few good monster scares.